My Heart Will Not Break

My heart will not break or shatter

But it will cry

One drop. Two drops 

A trickle. A stream

Until all my hurt is bled out of me

Here But Not Here

Ok this is not really a post but read it all the same. A friend recommended this website to me and I am trying it out to see how it goes. I would really like to believe that it works so everybody help me out a bit. I need you lovely people to click on the link in this post http://www.TheWorkPaid.com/?share=49730 yes this one right here and go just click and go. Easy Right? If ANYONE needs me to check out their page drop me link too. I don't mind making time for others. But you have to help me out. Remember click on the link http://www.TheWorkPaid.com/?share=49730 and go. It is that easy help me out here

Regards

Rhadika

A Call For Writers To Wake UP

This is a call for all writers to wake

Shake off the laziness of a multi figured pay check

It is time you came to see what our faction does

It is time that your just writing for monetary purposes mentality is brought to heel

I an unknown writer has come to rebuke you

Who I am is not as important as the message I speak

But we as authors have compromised too much

As a author our most defining trait is now greed

We need to push our readers higher 

Encourage them to explore new depths

There will be no more of us using small words to satisfy society

If they can't understand us then there a wonderful thing called a dictionary

We are too quick to jump on the popular bandwagon

We no longer encourage our readers to grow

Our writings now have no real meaning

Oh how I miss the society of old

If you say your writings are for grown ups

Then write in a way that we can relate

We have come a long way from that 13 year old girl 

Reading her mother's Mills and Boon's books that she ferreted away

I am not suggesting that you suddenly become Puritan

Or that you depart from your inspiration today

But the only time I should be reading about so much whips and chains

Is if I am school reading over one of my slavery essays

Do not give the excuse that sex sells

That makes you sound like a prostitute explaining her trade

I will read about aliens kidnapping women like everyone else

But at the end of it don't make me say Where Is The Plot

We have a responsibility to our readers 

To distinguish between to, too and two

We are partly responsible for shaping society

I entrust my descendants future to you

So this is a call for writers to wake up

No more should you reside in this slumber

Let us now bring forth a new enlightenment

So we can truly say we feel a sense of achievement

Sun Kissed

There are only a few times when you don't touch me
Your kisses ignite my blood
Your touch lingers on my skin
I need you deep within
You are important to me
I need you to survive
Your fiery kiss overwhelms me sometimes
Your touch leaves a burning trail on my skin 
I can't touch you but I feel you
Apollo come to me again
Your gaze is too intense for me sometimes
When I am wet I crave you so
I am waiting so race in your chariot towards me
I run but can never escape the sun

© Rhadika Freeman 

Ant Length

So this isn't really a post but I just had to share this with you guys. My lovely niece was over at my house today while her mother did whatever she was doing. So as time went by my niece and I were playing when I held her down and tickled her. Then all of a sudden my niece shouts out "can I get a little respect please". This was so funny that I ended up on the floor from laughing. Happiest memory this week hands down. Anywho my pretties I have a poem to write for church tomorrow so I will post tomorrow.

Peace, Love and Joy

Rhadika

What This Is

What this is is LOVE
This is passion undefined
This is a fantasy made reality
This is pure and simple ecstasy

What this really is is an OBSESSION
A delusion of the mind
The daydreams of a recluse
A sick fascination fully defined 

What this is is an ILLUSION
A long sought after oasis
A mirage in the distance
A trick on the mind

What this is an EMOTION
This is a cry within the dark
A chemical reaction in the body
An undefined clenching of the heart

What this is is RELIGION
This is a sinner's joyous salvation
A saint's desperate call
A heretic's long awaited fall

What this is PHYSICALITY
A touch upon the skin
This is a breathy sigh
This is a rough and desperate touching

What this is REALITY
This is humanity's rise and fall
This is smiles and laughter and tears from crying
What this is is LIFE

 

© Rhadika Freeman 

Hello! Is Anyone There?

Hi everyone.

I have been a really bad girl these past couple months. I am sooo sorry to the persons that got fed up waiting for me to post. I hope you forgive me and give me another chance.
i haven't written because I was a camp counselor and I was stressing out over University and the never ending saga of drama that resides in my house. Part of it was laziness as well. I just got a second chance over an issue so the theme to my life right now is focus. So I am rededicating myself to my writing, my school work, exercise, friends, family and most importantly God.
Once again I apologise to you all and hope that you continue on this journey with me.

Rhadika

Everything Looks Brand New If You Change The Covering

Hello My Pretties.

How are you guys on this cool Sunday afternoon. I'm sorry that I am now updating but there were some things I had to deal with first. Well one of those things was the relationship with my best friend. I realise that at this point in our lives we are two completely different people who want other things in life. I had that lesson pointed out to me painfully. When you see someone online for hours and you tell them hello when suddenly they sign offline, THAT IS THE BIGGEST FREAKING SIGN THEY CAN GIVE YOU. At the moment I feel really hurt and betrayed but life has to go on whether I want it to or not.

Now that I have that out of my system I have some wonderful news to tell you. Remember I told you guys that I was working on something new well its finally taking shape. I Rhadika Freeman am writing another story to question is if I will make it a short story or and actual full length story. This time I promise not to leave you in suspense with the ending. I am terribly sorry if I offended anyone (cough Shakira cough) with how I ended stalker. Hopefully you will forgive me for that when I finish this one.

Now to see who really uses their head I will post some clues and whoever gets close to my idea will get an air hug from me. Can't you just feel the love right now. So the clues are as follows: Barbados Flag, Poseidon, Trident and Tragedy. Well I know my little brainiacs will get close enough for your hugs sooner or later.

Sleepily Signing Off

Rhadika

p.s. I heard this riddle in a story I read and took me a while to figure it out so I will help you work your brain(torture you) by giving it to you.

Throw me out a window you will have a grieving wife. But bring me in a door and you may save a life. What am I?

I'm On An Emotional Roller Coaster but I'm Afraid Of Heights

"Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I feel like breaking things and other times I feel like running away. I paint a smile on my face even when things seem hopeless so maybe that is why people often forget that... Sometimes I Cry." - Rhadika

Hi everyone its been more than a week since I updated and its because I just couldn't find the will to write. That's it. No excuses or apologies. The fact of the matter is I just couldn't find it in me to write. Since I have last updated I have been cycling through so many emotions that I feel dizzy. I have been angry too many times to count. I have cried more than I have cared to. I have felt indifferent towards many events that happened recently and the worse part of emotional roller coaster is the fact that I have been rarely happy at all. Sometimes a thought would pass through my mind that it would be better if I had never existed or that I should remove myself from the equation. However, too bad for those negative thoughts. I am not a coward. I would rather face my problems than take the cowards way out. One of my little rays of sunshine is the fact that one of my poems has reached over 100 views on the new website. Yeah!! Goooooooo Me! LOL. I realized that only now I am starting to practice what I preach.

Sometimes my mouth gets me in trouble but I have to pray so hard that I keep my mouth shut especially when my father is talking. I would like to say that I absolutely hate him but that would be a lie. I don't hate my father but I absolutely do not trust or respect him as a person any more. So I will share a snippet of why I can't respect him. Last Sunday we were going to church and everyone was dressed and ready to go. Then all of a sudden the rain started to fall. So at the moment there is only one umbrella in the house and unfortunately it is in my father's car. Now we asked my father to stay for about 2 minutes or until the rain held up so we wouldn't be soaked or any of my hair product would run into my eyes or my sisters make up would be ruined. You know the hazards of being female sometimes. This bastard proceeded to tell us that he was not waiting and that if we are not outside when he starts the car then he is leaving us. And so my father went to church with the only umbrella in the house. About 2 minutes later the rain stopped falling. All I could do was laugh at the situation because if I didn't I would have started cussing and ranting and raving. But I digress.

I have determined that no matter what life throws my way once I keep my eyes on God I will be able to live up to my name and I will be happy. Even when persons close to me seek to tear me down I will stand firm in the Lord. Well that is all I have to say for now guys. Once I cheer myself up I will write about two more posts to make up for lost time.

Rhadika

p.s. don't forget to check out my poems at www.poemish.com I am under the username RhadLove.

Stalker

He watches. He watches and he waits. I see him everywhere I go and I am hyper aware of him. After all prey is always wary in the presence of a predator. Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are being watched? I constantly feel that way. I try to change my schedule and try to not fall into familiar routines but at the end of the day it is pointless. I change my number and he still calls me and it is really infuriating. I yell at him to leave me alone to live my life in peace and he says nothing but hangs up the phone. Maybe I shouldn't have done that because now I am really afraid that he will try to hurt me now. An entire days goes without him calling me. Two days. Three Days. Four. Paranoia leads to Insomnia which in turn leads to Hallucinations. I shower without turning my back to the door and install various security and monitoring devices. To tell the truth I am afraid. Afraid of waking up in the middle of the night and seeing someone over me. Afraid that I will be walking along quite contently and someone grabs me from the shadows. 
A month passes and the phone rings I pick it up hesitantly and its his voice on line I hear. I cringe but I also can't help but to breathe a sigh of relief. He tells me that he is a changed man and he no longer acts as weirdly as he did before. However, in the next breath he proceeds to ask me on a date even though he told me earlier that he wants to be friends. This time I am careful in how I let him down but my paranoia kicks back in. Eventually I relax and go back to sleeping soundly at night. Thanks to him I am now a changed person. A little paranoid and even more guarded but I like to think that I my character hasn't changed too much. He was a lesson learned a penance I had to pay for whatever wrong I did not know I had done. I needed to learn and grow and eventually become a better person than I was. For I know that any time I slip up I will remember  the feeling of his eyes dissecting my person and the feel of being nothing more than prey. No matter what I will always remember him. Watching. Watching and waiting for me to provide any opportunity for him to triumph over me. After all prey is always wary in the presence of a predator.

If You Don't Like What You Are Seeing Then Change The View

Hello My Pretties. Did you miss me? Look I am updating all by myself and didn't even need a reminder. Aren't you proud of me? In case anybody missed it I am in a particularly good mood today. For those wondering why I will tell you. Even though I was going to tell you anyway but such is life. I went to the beach this week after months away. The ridiculous part of this is that I live close by. The fact is that I was simply too lazy or too busy to get there but I went on Thursday. Just let me say that was the best decision I have made in a while. I am still looking for a job BTW but I think there are some prospects available.

Right so anyone who is unable to see my poems on Wattpad don't fret I just moved them to another site. That site is www.poemish.com and I am under the username RhadLove. BTW my Twitter is also under that name and my Facebook is under Rhadika Marissha Keandra in case anyone is interested in contacting me. Now the reason I switched sites is because I honestly do not believe that my old website was doing enough to promote poets and their work. I felt like the emphasis was being placed on persons who were writing books and short stories so I changed the view.

On Friday I hosted youth service at my church and got everyone to become more aware of the power of words by giving (torturing) them random words and telling them to write about the word they were given. Not only did I do this to show show them how words affect people but also to amuse myself. Don't judge me I had to entertain myself somehow. Now I might not update for awhile due to the fact that my friend decided to torture me by challenging me to write a short story. I don't know how it is going to come out but I will finish this challenge. I also plan to write another poem in that time frame as well. So if no one hears from me for a week and some don't panic.

Well I really should get started on this assignment (torture) so I will hear you guys later. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.

Regards,

Rhadika

Clown

First I'll paint it white so I appear beyond reproach

Then I'll add some yellow so façade shines bright

I'll add some red so everyone will see my passion

Then I'll add some green so my act never gets old

Paint on a smile and perform

Never let them see you tired

Energy. Energy. I am as happy as can be

Large shoes on my feet so my fumbles seem part of the act

Throw a pie in my face

I wipe it off and continue with my act

No one must notice my insecurities

I make everything about me captivating

But that one tear on my face 

Tells the world everything

So until I can wipe the make-up off

And trade my shoes for crutches to lean on 

I'll amuse everyone with my act 

Because after all I am a clown 

Testify

I know I was supposed to post earlier but many things got in the way. Have you ever been so discouraged and heartbroken that basic things seem to be a chore? Well I have at some point of time and I feel like I am there once again. Now I won't go into details but in essence it seems as if some people are going to be cut out of my life sooner rather than later. It will hurt and I probably will end up crying until I pass out but sometimes you have to do what is best for you. Sorry if I am bringing anybody down with my mood right now but I just had to get some things off my chest.

Now let me explain the other reasons why I have not posted like a should. First I was feeling lazy and no one was really encouraging me to write anything (except you Marrio, {This is not a typo that is how his name is spelt. Deal with it} my faithful friend). Then yesterday some smart person knocked over an electricity pole which plunged the entire island into darkness for hours. At least I got to finish reading Entwined in You by Sylvia Day. Gideon Cross how I would love to meet you. Finally today My father decided that he would rebuild the computer station and redecorate the living room in the house. How does this affect me posting you may ask? Well its simple. Since the ADSL router is out in that room and he was redecorating he unplugged it for HOURS!!!!!! I was never so bored in my entire life.

I actually have been pretty busy since I last posted though. On Friday coming I have to be in charge of youth service at my church and on the last Sunday of this month we are having youth Sunday at my church which means that I have to find something to do to fulfil my idiocy of volunteering to do something. I believe my exact words to my youth president were "I don't know what I am doing but I am doing something". I know, I know I am an idiot. Now I have to write a poem and plan for Friday night. Why do I do these things to myself?

Anywho! This section I would like to entitle as "Of Speed and Stalkers". Now that I once again have regained your attention let me explain the title. So In the past 2 weeks I have seen the latest Fast and Furious Movie TWICE! Go ahead and hate me cause "I DON'T CARE! I LOVE IT! LOL. I was waiting weeks to use that line somewhere. Anyway the stalker part comes in because there was a guy I met who when we were just chatting on the phone he was cool and sounded like he might be worth my time. Then when we met in person he wouldn't stop trying to look down my shirt and actually told me that he loved me and could see me being his wife. Now that might be okay with some girls but as for me it sends off warning bells right away. Heck that wasn't warning bells that was a fricken state of emergency going on in my head. I tried to let him down easy but the idiot just didn't get a hint. So I got really tough and told him I don't like you  and could never see myself ending up with you. Of course his wittle pride was hurt and he went on twitter blasting my name to his friends. Another reason to be rid of him. By the way I did this after he didn't call me for a whole month and then out of the blue he expected for things to be still the same. Now this is about three months since I told him to get lost that he shows up out of the blue and wants to get me to like him again. How do you spell idiot? Well you start with a name that begins with F and ends with N. OMG!!! I ranted and gave you guys this long page. This should make up for my absence right?

Okay so enough drama I missed you guys and I clearly need to be a better blogger/friend to you. I will no longer neglect you  Therefore if 5 days past and I haven't posted message/annoy me until I post something. I need to ask a serious question though. Should I deactivate my Wattpad account? I haven't had anyone read my stuff in months. As an artist and someone who takes their work semi-seriously its disappointing and hurtful that the site that said that it would promote my work hasn't done so. So at this point I am seriously contemplating deleting my work and moving it to an alternative website. On that note can anyone recommend a good website for me? Well I've written enough for today so enjoy reading alllllllllllllllllll of this. Tehehehe. LOL.

Until Next Time

Rhadika

Love Is All That I Can Give To You (cause you know i'm broke)

Hello my lovelies! How are you on this overcast and humid day. I posted some pics in my last entry I hope you enjoyed it. Any way on to business. I have officially registered with with my University to start my Thesis . Yay me and all that good stuff. However, the real reason for this post is that I would like to share the love that everyone is showing me. In particular I would like to give some extra love to those from Europe and america who have at least read my blog. I am ever so grateful for you taking the time out to just glance at my work. Even if no one comments or follows me I will be thankful that at least someone read my blog and saw either a poem or a picture and was appreciative of it. Now enough with the sappy stuff. I promised to put up more poems and I will be doing that soon and by soon I mean before Monday. Also I will be posting some more pictures later on. So Enjoy!

Rhadika

Pics from my Uni

The Mush That Is My Brain

I have been a very, very, very bad girl. Tehehehe. I was supposed to post something at least once a week and I am failing so far. To make up for it I guess I will have to write extra long. Nah! I will write what I can because I barely have the energy right about now. Question! How does one know Summer is upon us? When outside gets so hot that all I have the energy to do is roll over.(For those who live in Climates like Barbados you would understand). So I will be officially starting my thesis in about 48 hours. That translates to I will be actually busy. Since I have updated last my parents and my younger sister have come down with a case of chicken pox and in an effort to stay safe I have barricaded myself in my room. Oh before I forget I have decided to take up photography for a summer hobby. Isn't life grand? Anywho all my pictures so far will be available in the next post. OMG! Its 7 at night isn't outside going to get any cooler. My Brain feels like it is turning into mush. On a sadder note I have been job hunting (no luck so far on that front). I need money!!!!! Anyway I literally can't write any more so enjoy my pics.

Rhadika

Free At Last. Free At Last. Thank God I'm Free At Last

I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! My exams are finally over. I've been waiting for this for months. This semester was hell and I thought I wasn't going to make it. I'm writing this early so that noone can say that I did not keep my promise of writing more. This way when I give you this early I can be guilt free later when I sleep and be a bum around the house for an entire week.So my last exams ended at 11 this morning and I could be happier if I could hand in this research project. It is taking longer than I thought it would. Ugh!! I have to have it in before 5 this evening so here's hoping I succeed. Anyway back to the happy stuff. Did I mention that exams are over and my four month vacation starts as soon as I leave this campus? Sorry to gloat and annoy all those that are still doing exams but I am so freaking excited.

I want to do sooo much this vacation but the first thing I have to do is find a job so that I can support the lifestyle I dream about having. I definately have to make a list so that I can have some sort of direction to go in. I know that #1 on that list will be lose as much weight as possible. I am determined to no longer be the fat girl. So this summer I plan to work out like a beast. Pray for my future aching muscles guys I know I am. I know it will be hard work and I will feel like giving up but any support is welcomed.

On another note only ONE (1) person commented on this blog so far and honestly I feel very disappointed and bummed. Some days I wonder why i even try to get people to give me some support. Anyway please send some love my way and tell me what you think. Also I am more than happy to read anyone's blog if they want me to.

Right I think that is all I will write for today as it is 3:18 pm and I have to get this done before 5 pm. Anyways hugs, kisses and have a super duper awesometastic day.

Rhadika

OHHHH!!! I'M HALFWAY THERE!!! OHHHH!!! OHHHHH!!! THE END OF MY EXAMS ARE NEAR!!!

Ok so I have been a very busy girl. Exams are soon finished and all my assignments should be finished by Monday. What is bugging me is the fact that I can't seem to get enough time for anything. Family obligations and all that good stuff. Ok so what I really want to know is if anyone even reads this blog. Noone comments at all. I am very much sulking right now. Anyway, Happy Belated Mother's Day to all those lovely mothers and mother figures that put up with those mini criminals called children. Before anybody gets offended sit down and think about the actions of children. They take things without you noticing, they go out of their way to damage your property, they con you into using you hard earn money etc.. I could go on but you can finish the rest by yourself.

So after exams finish on Tuesday I plan to sleep for the majority of the day and then catch up on all the movies and series I missed because of the evilness that is UWI. After that I can devote a substantial amount of time to you lovely people. Hopefully sometime this summer I will be gainfully employed and capable of having a life. But don't worry my Pretties I won't forget you. Anyway I will work on my poems so expect new stuff sometime soon.

Bye For Now

Rhadika

p.s. this was supposed to go up on sunday but I fell asleep.

Write Me A Letter

I am a very simple person.

You don't need to pull out all of the stops to impress me.

However, with that being said there are things that I still need,

Like romance and a little spice in my life.

I don't need a gift on every date,

Or a bouquet of flowers every day.

Who you are as a person should keep me interested enough,

In all the things you dream about or have to say.

But if you must try to woo me by giving me gestures then there is one thing you can do.

Why don't you write me a letter?

Tell me all about how you feel.

Tell me your hopes tell me your dreams.

Show me through your words how much you care about me.

Wax poetically about my eyes,

Say how much you like my lips.

Tell me how much you appreciate me.

Make me feel special by you hand crafted gift.

You can tell me how my mistakes don't define me, 

And how you support the things I believe.

Get me addicted to your words,

Set out on a single lined sheets.

You can immerse it with my favourite scent,

Or you can seal it with a kiss.

Your intellect should stimulate my mind and heart

Tell me everything you need from me.

So I dont need diamonds and pearls.

I could live forever without admiring a rose.

But if you could right me a letter 

You would gain my heart forever.

Random Poems I Found In My Book

Untitled

As well as I can see my vision is blurry
As well as i can hear I hear only silence
My hands unsuccessfully try to clear the fog
My legs unknowingly walk in the right direction 
My knees order me to submission
The choir joyfully belts out my swan song
Even though their arrows might pierce my skin
My love for you shall last forever

War In My Mind

In the stillness of the night I seek direction

In the cacophony of sound I hear only your voice

When the earth beneath my feet seek to make me fall

I compose myself and keep pressing on

In the battlefield of my mind when it seems all hope is gone

The cleansing waters restore and revive me

Even when I fight and eagerly await the dawn

I smile because everything will be alright

University Is Evil

So here I am once again posting and wondering why I am still doing this but none the less I cannot resist. To whoever read what I posted so far thank you for at least looking at it. So to explain the title of this post I had a rough time at University for the last week. First I find that one of my lecturers assigned one of my friends my project for my upcoming thesis and said nothing so we both did it. Then when we went to the course supervisor I found out that my faculty office lost my assignments which meant that essentially I had to start over. Yeah!!!!!! Oh what fun it is to have to do over all my work. Did I mention that I only had a week to finish everything? So there was me handing in everything by Friday only to realize that exams started on Monday and mine was a morning exam at that. Ahhhhh!!! I need to sleep.

Well now that I have stopped whining I posted one of my poems yayyy me. So everyone can get a sample of my poems to see if they interest you. I should warn everyone that like my mind my poems are sometimes very random at times so consider yourself warned. I have an idea for a new poem so I will probably premiere that sometime this week(hopefully). I am pretty busy but I will strive to not neglect my amazing readers so I promise at least one post a week unless something absolutely urgent stops me from posting. I forgot to mention that I had a fallout with this guy I was chatting up mainly because he is manipulative and pushy. I absolutely cannot tolerate people like that and to make matters worse he is a liar as well. Right, back to being sunshine and pink and all that bright shiny stuff. Can anyone recommend any good blogs to follow or any sites that I could publish my poetry on? Thanks in advance. Anyway happy Readings and check out the new poems.

Rhadika

Alliteration

Another Advance. Abandon Awkwardness.

Bring Burdens. Break Barriers.

Carry Courage. Care Cautiously.

Downwards. Danger. Demise. Destruction.

Even Encroached. Ever Elevating.

Forget Fear. Fight Furiously

Go Gallantly. Glory Greets

Heaven Heals. Hell Hates

I imagine Irrelevant Idiocies

Juggling Jobs. Joyously Joking

Kingdoms. Kings. Knights. Kneel!

Love Laboured. Laughter Left.

Mothers Mourn. Monsters Met

New Nuisances. Negative News.

Onward! Over. Open Obstructions.

Patience Passes. Persistence Prevails.

Quiet! Quickly. Queen's Quarters

Run! Right. Randomly. Racing

Servants. Save. Submissive Subject

Toppling towers. Terrible Tales

Under unrest. Usurpation Unravels.

Valiant Victors. Vipers Veiled

World Wails. Women Wander

Xanthemia. Xanthoses. Xanthoma. Xenophobia

Yawning Youths. Yonder Yearns.

Zero Zeus. Zany Zooms.

A Glimpse Into My Chaotic Mind

Ok so hello everybody as you can see I started a blog. Amazing right? Well not so much I have no idea of what I am going to say in this blog. Just hang in there and eventually I might spread some nugget of information through all of my constant rambling. For the most part this blog will have my poems and whatever I decide to write. That being said I most likely will not post anything political unless it really truly upsets me. Anyone who gets fed up with waiting on my posts can head over to my profile on www.wattpad.com (see link at bottom of post) where they can read some of my finished poems and thereby help me get more publicity for my work. Constructive criticism is welcomed but please do not try to push your ideas onto me it will probably end badly. I would like to eventually to publish a book of poems so if you like any of my disasterpieces (hehehe) please spread the word and help me get some interest. Please for the Love of all that is good and holy do not steal them. Anyway I'm drawing a blank right about now so on with the reading.

Rhadika

My Wattpad Poems