Stalker

He watches. He watches and he waits. I see him everywhere I go and I am hyper aware of him. After all prey is always wary in the presence of a predator. Have you ever gotten the feeling that you are being watched? I constantly feel that way. I try to change my schedule and try to not fall into familiar routines but at the end of the day it is pointless. I change my number and he still calls me and it is really infuriating. I yell at him to leave me alone to live my life in peace and he says nothing but hangs up the phone. Maybe I shouldn't have done that because now I am really afraid that he will try to hurt me now. An entire days goes without him calling me. Two days. Three Days. Four. Paranoia leads to Insomnia which in turn leads to Hallucinations. I shower without turning my back to the door and install various security and monitoring devices. To tell the truth I am afraid. Afraid of waking up in the middle of the night and seeing someone over me. Afraid that I will be walking along quite contently and someone grabs me from the shadows. 
A month passes and the phone rings I pick it up hesitantly and its his voice on line I hear. I cringe but I also can't help but to breathe a sigh of relief. He tells me that he is a changed man and he no longer acts as weirdly as he did before. However, in the next breath he proceeds to ask me on a date even though he told me earlier that he wants to be friends. This time I am careful in how I let him down but my paranoia kicks back in. Eventually I relax and go back to sleeping soundly at night. Thanks to him I am now a changed person. A little paranoid and even more guarded but I like to think that I my character hasn't changed too much. He was a lesson learned a penance I had to pay for whatever wrong I did not know I had done. I needed to learn and grow and eventually become a better person than I was. For I know that any time I slip up I will remember  the feeling of his eyes dissecting my person and the feel of being nothing more than prey. No matter what I will always remember him. Watching. Watching and waiting for me to provide any opportunity for him to triumph over me. After all prey is always wary in the presence of a predator.

If You Don't Like What You Are Seeing Then Change The View

Hello My Pretties. Did you miss me? Look I am updating all by myself and didn't even need a reminder. Aren't you proud of me? In case anybody missed it I am in a particularly good mood today. For those wondering why I will tell you. Even though I was going to tell you anyway but such is life. I went to the beach this week after months away. The ridiculous part of this is that I live close by. The fact is that I was simply too lazy or too busy to get there but I went on Thursday. Just let me say that was the best decision I have made in a while. I am still looking for a job BTW but I think there are some prospects available.

Right so anyone who is unable to see my poems on Wattpad don't fret I just moved them to another site. That site is www.poemish.com and I am under the username RhadLove. BTW my Twitter is also under that name and my Facebook is under Rhadika Marissha Keandra in case anyone is interested in contacting me. Now the reason I switched sites is because I honestly do not believe that my old website was doing enough to promote poets and their work. I felt like the emphasis was being placed on persons who were writing books and short stories so I changed the view.

On Friday I hosted youth service at my church and got everyone to become more aware of the power of words by giving (torturing) them random words and telling them to write about the word they were given. Not only did I do this to show show them how words affect people but also to amuse myself. Don't judge me I had to entertain myself somehow. Now I might not update for awhile due to the fact that my friend decided to torture me by challenging me to write a short story. I don't know how it is going to come out but I will finish this challenge. I also plan to write another poem in that time frame as well. So if no one hears from me for a week and some don't panic.

Well I really should get started on this assignment (torture) so I will hear you guys later. Hopefully it will be sooner rather than later.

Regards,

Rhadika

Clown

First I'll paint it white so I appear beyond reproach

Then I'll add some yellow so façade shines bright

I'll add some red so everyone will see my passion

Then I'll add some green so my act never gets old

Paint on a smile and perform

Never let them see you tired

Energy. Energy. I am as happy as can be

Large shoes on my feet so my fumbles seem part of the act

Throw a pie in my face

I wipe it off and continue with my act

No one must notice my insecurities

I make everything about me captivating

But that one tear on my face 

Tells the world everything

So until I can wipe the make-up off

And trade my shoes for crutches to lean on 

I'll amuse everyone with my act 

Because after all I am a clown 

Testify

I know I was supposed to post earlier but many things got in the way. Have you ever been so discouraged and heartbroken that basic things seem to be a chore? Well I have at some point of time and I feel like I am there once again. Now I won't go into details but in essence it seems as if some people are going to be cut out of my life sooner rather than later. It will hurt and I probably will end up crying until I pass out but sometimes you have to do what is best for you. Sorry if I am bringing anybody down with my mood right now but I just had to get some things off my chest.

Now let me explain the other reasons why I have not posted like a should. First I was feeling lazy and no one was really encouraging me to write anything (except you Marrio, {This is not a typo that is how his name is spelt. Deal with it} my faithful friend). Then yesterday some smart person knocked over an electricity pole which plunged the entire island into darkness for hours. At least I got to finish reading Entwined in You by Sylvia Day. Gideon Cross how I would love to meet you. Finally today My father decided that he would rebuild the computer station and redecorate the living room in the house. How does this affect me posting you may ask? Well its simple. Since the ADSL router is out in that room and he was redecorating he unplugged it for HOURS!!!!!! I was never so bored in my entire life.

I actually have been pretty busy since I last posted though. On Friday coming I have to be in charge of youth service at my church and on the last Sunday of this month we are having youth Sunday at my church which means that I have to find something to do to fulfil my idiocy of volunteering to do something. I believe my exact words to my youth president were "I don't know what I am doing but I am doing something". I know, I know I am an idiot. Now I have to write a poem and plan for Friday night. Why do I do these things to myself?

Anywho! This section I would like to entitle as "Of Speed and Stalkers". Now that I once again have regained your attention let me explain the title. So In the past 2 weeks I have seen the latest Fast and Furious Movie TWICE! Go ahead and hate me cause "I DON'T CARE! I LOVE IT! LOL. I was waiting weeks to use that line somewhere. Anyway the stalker part comes in because there was a guy I met who when we were just chatting on the phone he was cool and sounded like he might be worth my time. Then when we met in person he wouldn't stop trying to look down my shirt and actually told me that he loved me and could see me being his wife. Now that might be okay with some girls but as for me it sends off warning bells right away. Heck that wasn't warning bells that was a fricken state of emergency going on in my head. I tried to let him down easy but the idiot just didn't get a hint. So I got really tough and told him I don't like you  and could never see myself ending up with you. Of course his wittle pride was hurt and he went on twitter blasting my name to his friends. Another reason to be rid of him. By the way I did this after he didn't call me for a whole month and then out of the blue he expected for things to be still the same. Now this is about three months since I told him to get lost that he shows up out of the blue and wants to get me to like him again. How do you spell idiot? Well you start with a name that begins with F and ends with N. OMG!!! I ranted and gave you guys this long page. This should make up for my absence right?

Okay so enough drama I missed you guys and I clearly need to be a better blogger/friend to you. I will no longer neglect you  Therefore if 5 days past and I haven't posted message/annoy me until I post something. I need to ask a serious question though. Should I deactivate my Wattpad account? I haven't had anyone read my stuff in months. As an artist and someone who takes their work semi-seriously its disappointing and hurtful that the site that said that it would promote my work hasn't done so. So at this point I am seriously contemplating deleting my work and moving it to an alternative website. On that note can anyone recommend a good website for me? Well I've written enough for today so enjoy reading alllllllllllllllllll of this. Tehehehe. LOL.

Until Next Time

Rhadika